It's Probably Just Me, But....

Lately I have been noticing that people seem to dislike a lot of things about me and I find myself almost lying that I like things when I really don't just so they don't judge me. I feel like certain persons look at me and my taste weird. I asked my bff about this the other day and asked her if I tended to do that to others or to her and she said no. I asked her, "if you say, for example, I like the color purple, do I say "why would you like that??" all disgusted or like she's ignorant." She told me absolutely not. I trust her, I believe that I don't do this to others. However, I have noticed recently that it seems to happen to me a lot.
The prime example? I actually did get a Kindle for my birthday (see: my previous post regarding "extreme wishlist") and what do I hear from several people? "Why'd you do that?" "Why would you get one of those?" "I tried to give her a lecture but she wouldn't listen." Why do I need to justify something that I find interesting and that I would like? Do I judge people who spend money like it's going out of style? In my head, yes. To their faces? No. That's their decisions and I'm not going to put my opinion out there to make them feel bad.
Things like that really, really piss me off. Other things are like the movies or tv shows I watch are insulted or put down like I'm some kind of hillbilly-redneck (which I am but that's another story). Do you hear me insulting American Idol, The Office, Nip/Tuck, Mad Men or other such *crap* that I don't like. No, I may say that I don't watch it or it doesn't interest me but I don't say insulting things that can hurt feelings. Food I like is another thing, I just feel like I have to be someone I'm not, just to fit in. I suppose that's why so many people do try to "fit in."
I guess what I'm saying is that I wish people were more concientious about what they say to others because it can hurt people's feelings - more than you may know.
I sincerely apologize that this blog has turned into a whiny platform but it's pretty much all I've got right now. I wish I could get my act together and take some pictures of things that need to go on here. I'll try. Really... :)

My EXTREME wish list

My birthday is coming in just a few short weeks. I tend to have bad birthdays. I don't mean bad as in "my cake is dry" or "my friends forgot" bad, I mean close family members dying, having heart attacks on, house burning down kind of bad. For example..my would-have-been (grand)father-in-law, the man who raised my husband, passed away on my 21st birthday. My dad had a heart attack about 10 years ago on my birthday. AND (drumroll please...), our condo burned down while we were out on my birthday, in 2002. Nothing like coming home to find your front door busted in, no power, furniture tossed everywhere, no signs of your kittehs, and your home filled with black nasty smoke. But I digress...
I try not to think about my birthday but it's kind of hard because it's the only holiday that's just for me. Being completely selfish in this blog post, I have decided to make an extreme wishlist. Some of the things are silly, and you'll probably be like "really?" but it's me, it's how I am, I can't help it.

• A Kindle - the 6" would be fine, the other one is way too expensive
• The movies "Just Friends" and "Role Models"
• Brighton Fleur De Lis Heart charm for my charm bracelet
• Princess cut diamond earrings
• White gold or Platinum ring with Emily's birthstone
• Dharma Initiative Swan Station t-shirt
• A new pink skin for my blackberry curve because dude at the store totally gave me one that was "supposed" to fit mine and the package even said so but it sucks.
• A new pink skin for my new iPod nano 5th generation. These are kind of a pain to find. As soon as I find one, I'm getting it.
• Time to sew, knit or crochet at least one project. I am anxious to sew a small idea I have for a stuffed animal for Emily. Not sure if I can do it but I would like to try.
• Skechers Shape-Ups

To be continued.....

Edit 2/9/10: Oh yeah, the 3rd season of Designing Women comes out on my birthday. So I want that too. As well as the 2nd season of The Patty Duke Show (duh!) that came out today.

A Birthday to Remember...

Last Sunday was Emily's first birthday party. Anyone who's anyone was there LOL Family included myself, Kurin, Grandma and Cedo, Grandma Debbie, Great Grandma Gay, Benjamin, Uncle Kevin, new Aunt Melissa, Cyndie, Aunt Brenda, Karen, Aunt Faye and Uncle Clyde, Teresa, and JoAnna, Aunt Violet and Uncle George, Aunt Marianne and Uncle Anwar with Kristine, Mark and Christina with Isabella, Ron and Cherryl with George and Jack. Friends that came were Auntie Danielle and Jeff with Orion, Leslie with Izak, and Audra with Madison and Mackenzie. I hope they all had a good time. We had thought that it would be nice out so we could utilize my parents' deck with the awning but it was a bit chilly so we all ended up in the house - a little too cozy if you ask me. I get all weird in crowded situations - that is why I do not go shopping the day after Thanksgiving..I usually have a panic attack (no joke). So, I was a hot mess both literally and figuratively. It was hot in the house with 800 people inside but I was also flustered because these 800 people were talking to me, asking me stuff, I'm trying to make sure all goes right blah blah. Thanks to my parents who basically did everything like, oh, providing the food and the house!
I got the beautiful cake at Queen of Hearts bakery in Depot Town. It was phenomenal. I never even got a piece! Gone!


The food was great - my parents made a couple of different Italian type casseroles with a nice salad and bread along with appetizers.
Bebe' even got her own little mini-cake complete with mini-ladybug decoration :) She was a little confused at first as to what to do with it so I assisted her in getting started.

She had a really good time. All of the kids were so good. I had no idea what to have for them so I didn't have any games or anything - they were all so well-behaved and entertained themselves. Emily and Izak (6 weeks apart) had a fab time together. Besties!
Bebe' got entirely too much stuff. Tons of beautiful outfits and lots of fun toys and books. We are very happy to have such a wonderful group of family and friends.

Birthday Girl!

Today is Emily's 1st Birthday! Woo Hoo! We survived a whole year and she's still doing fine haha.
I won't go into any labor and delivery stories as I have none. I basically went to the hospital at noon like they told me for my scheduled c-section at 2pm. They pumped me full of fluid and I waited, and waited. There were several emergencies before me so I kept getting bumped which was fine.
They finally wheeled me to the operating room. That is when I got very scared. Up to that point, I had been like "whatev." No, literally, I probably said, "whatev." About 10 people wheeled me down there and I remember my anesthesiologist bumping the corner of the gurney into a doorway and saying something about his bad Asian driving (because he is Asian). Everyone in the halls of the Labor/Delivery area stopped as I was being wheeled by and wished me luck. It was very nice.
The OR was SO SCARY. It was huge and loud and clean. They bent me over to give me the epidural to numb me from the neck down. I laid back and got violently ill (which apparently is a side effect) but then I was fine. I couldn't feel a thing. It was very weird knowing they were cutting me open and taking out bebe' and not seeing it and not feeling it. I just kind of felt them moving around. I remember the anesthesiologist and his partner talking about the Red Wings. Kurin was sitting there but I don't remember him doing anything except when they got her out, he went to take pictures of her because I obviously couldn't see her or move.
I also remember a lot of counting after the fact. I learned later that it was the nurses counting all of the instruments before and after (thank goodness everything was accounted for or they may have left something in me!).
Poor bebe', she came out and you hear all of this hustle and bustle to get the baby all cleaned up and checked over and she had a little fluid on her lungs and she was clamshelled. This means that her feet were up at her ears like she was folded in half. Apparently, when Kurin showed the pics to our family waiting in the waiting room, they were all a little worried because, her feet were by her ears! They whisked her off to the NICU to get her breathing stabilized and check all of her oxygen and fix her legs and stuff.

It took SO long for my anesthesia to wear off. It was weird. They wheeled me to my Mother/Baby room where I would spend the next 3 nights. They did manage to wheel me into the NICU so I could see Emily. She was hooked up to a million things and it was way scarier now than when it was happening. I couldn't do anything. I was still frozen from the medicine.
That night was weird, I had the baby, but didn't have her until they took me down to her at about 9pm to try to nurse her which in itself was so scary because it was the first time I held her, first time to nurse and she was hooked up to all kinds of stuff and I was scared and frustrated. They thought she'd get to come stay in my room the next day as all of her stuff seemed to be doing really well. Surprise! I tried to feed her again at midnight and when I got back to my room, they followed me back and she could stay! She was doing just fine :)
She was squeaky. There wasn't really crying, just little squeaks.
I love her.

It sounds weird but in a way, I miss her. I miss having all of my time with her when she was just little and holding her. Maternity leave was so good for us. I just sat with her all day.

Now she's a big girl who shakes her head no and likes to take her pants off and play with dog toys *sigh*
This weekend is the big birthday bash so more to come...
Happy Birthday, Emily! I love you more than anything :)

Preparations

October is coming entirely too fast!
Not only is it Bebe's first birthday but we have my brother-in-law's nuptials which is the first weekend, husband's birthday, doctor appointments, and scrapbooking classes - I suppose I'm supposed to find time to work out in here too with working full time and everything else like keeping my house semi-tidy, etc. Dang I'll never lose weight. Ah well, I'll just stop eating for a bit and all will be right with the world.
Back to important things. Bebe's first birthday is quickly approaching which means I have actually started planning her birthday party! Yes! I am actually on the ball this time. I had invitations made and already sent out last week, they are gorgeous! I found an awesome website called First Wishes that specializes in baby's first birthday things that are themed. They have John Deere, Ladybugs, Princess, Prince, Fish, Barnyard Animals, etc. all specifically for first birthdays. They have everything from coordinating balloons to hats to treat bags to vinyl personalized banners, and more. I chose to stay with the ladybug motif as that was the baby shower theme as well. It is absolutely adorable. We got some balloons, a banner, dessert plates, and hats. I'll get coordinating paper products and stuff locally.
Bebe' is having her 1 year portraits taken this Monday. We are having a family picture made as well. I'm looking forward to it. I bought Bebe' an adorable birthday ensemble off of etsy that has a personalized foo-foo birthday hat that has a "1" and "Emily" on it, a onesie with a cupcake with 1 candle that says "Emily" and a coordinating big foo-foo tutu! I am so excited for her to wear it. Trying it on, she made the face she makes when she doesn't like food so I'm not sure how it's going to go but let's just keep our fingers crossed.
This week marks Bebe's first roadtrip. We're headed down south to visit family in Kentucky. It should be fun. I haven't been down there since 2007 as I didn't go when I was pregnant last year. I am a bit sad though that we won't have Granny with us this time.
I hope to have more to update on Monday after the portrait session. Until then...